Marriage

This is an article i wrote about marriage in my other blog.

Thoughts put into words more like...

Today in this world where divorce is becoming more and more common, free mixing of the sexes is the norm and dating is part of daily life, a practising Muslim interested in marriage may find herself/himself in a confusing situation.

We wonder if we will find someone trustworthy and honest, someone who hasn’t fallen prey to the fitnah of the intermingling of todays youth.

The first thing we look for is character, is it not? Or is it looks? Like if he/she passes in looks then go on into character, or vice versa. Nonetheless, both are important, so to carry on.
Most of us tend to want someone moreorless from the same background as we are, for fear of, either cultural clashes or different lifestyles, kind of the same difference. However i do note that some people do not mind the cultural/background differences and have lived happy lives, Alhamdulillah.

We want to have a home were we will be happy and comfortable and what makes part (the vital part, if i may say so) of this home is the kind of people we will be marrying into. It is not only the man/woman we are marrying, it is the family as well, perhaps this goes more from the woman than the man, but either way we will be having contact with our partners family as well and maybe even living with them. Women look for pious men. Men who are able to provide for them. They look for men who will understand them and who will be tolerant. Men look for women with haya (modesty). They look for women with piety. They look for women who will be able to manage their homes. Both look for partners who haven’t been involved in an unlawful relationships before, don’t mix freely with the opposite sex and good character.

I’m sure it has crossed many a time to more a person than myself, that just how are we going to find the right partner? And in this world full of deception and lies how are we going to know if what the person tells us is true, especially if we don’t really know the family? True we can check what he/she says with people he/she knows and we know. But then people have lied before. That is not to say that this is always the case, but it has happened.

Life is no joke, neither is marriage and its not something to be taken lightly either. Marriage is a big step in life, a step that will take you either into misery or happiness. A step that will change your life. Are we ready for this step? Do we women really understand what married life is all about? Surely, we know its not all bliss and happiness. While happines and a successful marriage is every Muslims Dua, all marriages have their ups and downs. We have to learn to deal with them correctly and make sabr.

There’s the house work first of all. No matter what we have become and what titles we may have to our names, a woman always has her housework. Do we know exactly how to go about it? Ironing- do we iron at home? Washing? Even if it is operating the machine or hanging the washing on the line? Cooking, can we cook a few pots of edble food? Patience- ah yes- patience/sabr, do we have this? Patience i think is VITAL in marriage for either partner. Do we have what it takes to run a home?
Seriously, i’m not being a sceptic or finding faults with everything. Do we understand marriage? Of course we want love and happiness but this doesn’t just come, it has to grow. And how will it grow? By both partners working together and becoming accustomed to the new life together, sharing and sacrificing. Look at the amount of marriages breaking up before our eyes. Our own friends. Why? Most often because of small issues that blow up. A girl newly married sometimes expects to have in her own house every thing she had in her parents. What we don’t realize is, that when our fathers and mothers started out, they too started small and the with time through the Qudrat and Mercy of Allah Ta’aala they got more and more, and so did we. Now we as young women starting out, can’t expect have everything. Some of us are not able to manage because of this and it can sometimes be how problems start. We must remember that adapting to the new life is going to be a change, maybe even hard. But that can only be determined how we look at it and react to it. Another factor as to why marriages are breaking is the tolerance partners have for one another. Often when one blows the other blows and a row starts. Not good. One has to keep their mind and make sabr. There will be things we cannot understand of our new partners, there will be things we dislike our partners doing. There may be habits that irritate us. I’m sure that partners will avoid things that their partner dislikes. But it takes time, maybe even years to stop certain habits. Look at our parents, surely there still argue and have differences over certain things? But Alhamdulillah they are still together and have managed to sacrifice and tolerate one another till now.

So all in all, we want good Muslim partners, partners who will help us get closer to Allah Ta’aala. Partners who will make us comfortable and help make a good home. And partners we can trust. So long as our partners are Allah loving, Allah fearing and and have good character, Insha’Allah with the mercy and power of Allah Ta’aala our marriages will work out. But we too have to make an effort and sacrifice. All in all it is only Allah who can give us the right partner and Dua is a powerful tool. Never give up making Dua, ever.

I know i am young and not even married, but this is what i have come to understand from what i’ve seen around me. Please feel free to give any advice, balanced criticism, reminders or something you think will help todays youth.